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NOTE: The following questions and answers appeared originally in Wendy's Wolf's column Love Life Letters which appears in the national quarterly magazine Special Living. Letters are only answered in Special Living magazine and are chosen on the basis of widest readership interest. You may address your letters to either Special Living, Attn: Wendy Wolf, P.O. Box 1000, Bloomington IL 61702, or directly to D.A.W.N. Attn: Dear Wendy Column, P.O. Box 90195, Tucson AZ 85752-0195. Or you may email your letter with "Love Life Letters" in the subject heading to either info@specialiving.com or to dawnser@mindspring.com .
QUESTION
Dear Wendy,
I'm a 48 year old man, now single, last relationship lasted three years. I'm a Technology Manager for a pharmaceutical company, live actively, independently, and have done many adventurous things. I drive a car of course, in fact I have a pilots license and fly, kayak, sail, keep fit, and stay healthy.
I've considered finding a partner on the Internet, however, what stops me is how do I explain I use a wheelchair, as a result of spinal cord injury caused by a accident when I was 21. I can only imagine for most able bodied hearing this is the last thing they'd expect to hear and probably get some pre-conceived idea conjured up that would turn them right off without really knowing me.
How do I present myself in a chair over the Internet without scaring them away! I appreciate your comments if you have time.
Thanks,
Healthy on Wheels
ANSWER
Dear Healthy On Wheels,
My belief is honesty is the best policy, but perhaps omitting certain information in your first one or two internet contacts is ok. I'd get the lady interested in you during the first internet contact by doing the things woman like. Show a sincere, genuine interest in her, her life, background, and family, and then talk about you. Let her hear the warmth in your voice as you talk about you, your personality, interests, and active lifestyle. During the next comfortable dialogue, I'd let her know that you do not want to deceive her in any way, so tell her you use a wheelchair because of a spinal cord injury and that the chair is essentially your set of legs which enables (not disables) you to lead your very active lifestyle. This approach may prove to be a real turn on, not turn off, to a sincere woman. Good luck to you.
QUESTION
Dear Wendy,
I've been wanting to join this service for awhile, but am just a little scared nothing will come of it and I'd be hurt again. I was married to a "normal" guy for eleven years, but he was abusive. We've only been divorced two years and he has found someone else; even brought her to church to flaunt her in front of me.
I worked for over twenty years in insurance, and had to take disability in 1998. I am only about four feet tall due to birth defects. I can walk short distances, but have a scooter. I live alone in my house now and am very lonely.
I want to meet a man who will be good to me and love me just because I'm me. Most guys won't even give me a second look. I have a great sense of humor, love life, and want to share it with a new husband that's the right one!
Please reply,
Little Lonely
ANSWER
Dear Little Lonely,
Thank you so much for your heartfelt letter. Unfortunately you are not alone in this situation. Disability or no disability, many marriages fail because a partner strays and begins looking for new excitement in his or her life.
As Winston Churchill once said, "the thing to fear, is fear itself.î Do not be afraid. Venture out and make a new life for yourself with a man who will welcome you into his world and appreciate the beautiful person you are. It is important for you to believe in yourself and that there is someone out there for you, because that belief will enhance your attitude and your physical presence, making you more open to positive potentials. You say you enjoy life, well don't stop now, bring all the happiness you can into each day.
I have mailed you, at your request, an application to join D.A.W.N . I sincerely hope you join. Let go of the fear of rejection, and open the door to acceptance.
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