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NOTE: The following questions and answers appeared originally in Wendy's Wolf's column Love Life Letters which appears in the national quarterly magazine Special Living. Letters are only answered in Special Living magazine and are chosen on the basis of widest readership interest. You may address your letters to either Special Living, Attn: Wendy Wolf, P.O. Box 1000, Bloomington IL 61702, or directly to D.A.W.N. Attn: Dear Wendy Column, PMB 217, 3906 W. Ina Rd. #200, Tucson AZ 85741. Or you may email your letter with "Love Life Letters" in the subject heading to either info@specialiving.com or to dawnser@mindspring.com .
QUESTION
Dear Wendy,
I consider you the "love guru" for the disabled community and I sure need your advice. My disability results from a neuro muscular disease. I require attendant care for all of my personal needs. I have a PhD, am financially secure with an excellent job and navigate my most active life from a power chair. I have been seeing a beautiful woman for almost two years. She has the same disability as I do. We are like soul mates, the best of friends who share everything together; good conversation, community interests, laughs, movies, dining, trips etc. We know what the other is thinking before it is said. The one thing we do not share is love. I am in love with her, but she has repeatedly made it perfectly clear that she likes me as a friend and that her feelings will never change on this level. I have a wonderful time when we go out but when the evening is over I feel so sad. Do I sever the relationship and lose everything or do I continue to see her and ache and yearn for this beautiful lady on other levels?
Lost in Love
ANSWER
Dear Lost in Love,
You are faced with a most difficult situation. I feel we should all permit ourselves to bring happiness into our lives by savoring the moments and the people that light up our days. It sounds like you two share some very special times together and both of you would be hurting if this friendship were to die. Real friends such as you have are hard to find, so I don't see any advantage in giving up your existing friendship. Rather, you are in need of a romantic partner and, if your friend is truly a platonic friend, then she shouldn't mind helping recruit a romantic partner for you. Let her share in this important contribution to your life. If she has a problem with that, then maybe her friendship is not as platonic as she says. Only you can answer the question, if the good times outweigh the pain. If you are looking for a life long mate to be your wife, lover, or partner you must not compromise yourself by only seeing this woman. Keep all options open by trying to meet and go out with other woman who may have that special attraction and not only appreciate all your virtues, but love you for just being you.
QUESTION 2
Dear Wendy,
I enjoyed talking to a recent D.A.W.N. referral and our first 2 phone calls went really well. My problem is that she wont arrange a meeting with me and, even though I call her 3 or more times a day, she wont return my calls. What can I do to make her meet me and realize what a neat guy I am?
Anxiously,
Phone Friend
ANSWER
Dear Phone Friend,
Basically, you cannot MAKE anyone do anything they don't want to do. In this case, "less is more," that is to say you may be calling her too much. No one likes their "space" invaded and that's why we don't stand too close to someone when we're talking face to face and we don't phone someone too often, which may have frightened her away. If you have a mailing address, try apologizing for calling too much and ask for another chance. If she talks to you on the phone again, ask her what limits she wants to place on phone calls. If she totally declines to meet you, read Apples & Oranges and learn how to move on to someone else who will appreciate you. Just be careful not to make the same mistake next time.
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